Craig-170 Get Busy Livin`, or Get Busy Packing…

Craig note– A foreigner came to me for advice this week. I got more than a little colorful with my response. Apologies, I`ve been watching too much Amazon Prime… (Enjoy!)

So, this week a foreigner came to me with a problem. The specifics of his personal issues are of little importance. I am not that type of person. If you share something with me in confidence, I will take it to my grave.

(That`s 100% true. And, I am well-known for it.)

It is enough to say that the foreigner has had more than enough of Japan after two years. And,  the Japanese people in his work and community circles have had more than enough of him, too. It happens more often than you might think.

Actually, it is difficult for me to decide who is more excited about the foreigner leaving Japan, the school, community, or the foreign English teacher.

There is plenty of blame to go around for all involved in the situation. Certainly, the foreign English teacher could have done a better job. But, too, the school and community failed to understand the complex nature of living in Japan as an expat.

The reality is that, “Japan is not for everybody. And, certainly, everybody is not (cut out) for Japan.”

Unfortunately, often there is no way to know how successful any given foreigner will be in Japan before they actually live IN Japan. Of course, there are ways in interviews and resumes filtering to spot red flags. But, sometimes, the fit just is not right for the foreigner or the school/community.

It`s a bit of a copout to say:  “Every situation is different.” I know why people say that to foreigners who want to come here. And, they are not entirely wrong. But, I mean, I have been in Japan 12 years this month, and I can tell you:  Every day is different. I am not sure a simple acknowledgement of that fact helps me live here tomorrow.

The reality is, “…every (foreigner) has his/her breaking point.” 

(`Red,` The Shawshank Redemption) You stay long enough in Japan, and it will break you. And, any Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin who does not admit that is a liar (or the luckiest SOB I have ever met in my life.) I broke about six years ago. Japan pulled no punches, and it tore me right in two. But, I am still here. And, I am happy that I am.

You see, it is what you do after Japan breaks you that is really, really, really important.

For me, I realized that I stayed too long in Japan. To be sure, there were any number of doors that I could have walked out of to escape from Japan. But, I stayed, and it was, in the end, the best, if not perfect, choice for my life (and for that of my beloved family).

There always seemed to be just enough to keep me here rather than risk uprooting my whole life again.  But, one day, I looked at my wife, family, and my haggard reflection in the mirror, and I knew the cold, hard truth:  It was too late to leave the path that I chose. But, I was determined to make the most out of my time here. Other foreigners, understandably, do not (cannot) make the same choice…

The foreigner with the problem(s) decided to leave Japan. But, he wondered aloud, “How can you be so okay with staying here for life?” So, I told him. I really, really, really told him.

There’s not a day goes by I don’t feel regret. Not because I’m in [Japan], because you think I should [have left long ago]. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who [made] that [questionable choice] (of never going back to America). I want to talk to him. I want to try to talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can’t. That kid’s long gone, and this [Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin] is all that’s left. I got to live with that. [Repatriated?] It’s just a bullsh-t word. So you go on and stamp your [immigration] form (on your way back to America), sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don’t give a sh-t.

– `Red,` The Shawshank Redemption

Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin

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“Some of the most beautiful things worth having in your life come wrapped in a crown of thorns.”- Shannon L. Alder