Craig-730 On The Last Day Of Vacation, “The Cracked Expats,” And Yummy Holiday Eats In Japan!

Craig note- We end our last day of vacation with a short story, fun classic content, and yummy tweets from our holiday eats!

(Enjoy!)

Cover Photo– Unsplash

Got a Question for the Grey, Grizzled, And Gaijin Mailbag? Send it to: @craighoffman11 on Twitter!

Grey, Grizzled, And Gaijin

On “The Cracked Expats”

“You are going to talk to Karen again at some point. Right?”

“Hadn’t planned on it. No.”

Campbell swirled the whiskey in his cracked, dirty glass. He gulped what remained and stared at the Japanese baseball game playing on the small TV behind the bar.

“If you are going to treat my girlfriend like that. You can do the same to me, dude.”

“No problem. We’re done, dude.”

There was a distinct change in Campbell’s demeanor. Matt shook his chipped, empty glass as he saw how this was going to end. Campbell, too, chomped hard on a piece of ice.

“Done drinking?”

“No. We’re done.”

Campbell once more swirled the whiskey remaining in his glass and chugged it. He stood up and motioned with a wave of his hand for his bill.

“Seriously? Over a little mistake?”

“No. Over a big lie. You might screw her at night. But Karen sure ain’t going to lie to me during the day. She turned me into a laughingstock in this town. F that!”

“Perhaps, you did that to yourself. Don’t you think?”

Campbell clenched his fist, but Sari, the regular, young waitress, slid between the pair.

“That’s 1630 yen.”

“Here, it’s exact. Thanks.”

Um, thank you. A–hole!”

“What was that?”

“Nothing. See you tomorrow.”

Campbell threw on his tattered, lime green backpack, and he made his way to the exit. Matt saw Campbell’s open pack of smokes still on the bar.

“Hey, you forgot your cigs, dude.”

“Keep ’em. I’m done with them, too. Du — de.

The poster-covered, wooden door slammed behind Campbell as he left. Matthew paid his bill several minutes later. He stumbled to his apartment. Karen eagerly awaited his return.

“So what happened?”

Matt threw his ratty, old leather satchel on the floor and took off his mold-covered tennis shoes. Karen got a big, grey can of Japanese beer from the fridge. And pulled another bottle of wine for herself.

“Here. You look like you need it.”

“Yeah.”

“So it went that well. Huh?”

“Thanks. Uh no, worse.”

Matt took a swig as Karen poured herself a glass of cheap, red wine. Karen sniffed it like she was the queen of the world, and she took a long sip.

Alcohol dripped from her mauve-colored lips and on her unwashed, white shirt as she filled her stem glass to the brim. Matt caught her in his lap as she stumbled.

“Hey now! How many glasses have you had, you alkie-bum?”

“Two.”

“Really? Come on now.”

“Okay, three.”

“Hmm… Is that new math?”

“Fine, four. It’s the holidays after all. But don’t you dare judge me you lumpy, love-handled lush. You’re no Puritan. Now, back to Campbell. Spill it. Are we good?”

“I’d leave Campbell be. That’s for sure. Let’s just forget about him. ‘Cus daddy’s home, Pilgrim.”

Matt leaned in to cop a feel of his inebriated woman’s ample breasts. Karen pushed Matt’s fumbling junior high school-like hands away from her, and Karen jumped from his lap.

“You behave yourself. Anyway, I should go talk to him. This is just silly. We’re all adults after all.”

“Sorry. But you can’t blame a guy for trying. Right? As for Campbell, he’s pissed. Royally enough to make William and Harry jealous.”

“Come on, it’s Campbell. He’s an expat legend around here. He’ll get over it.”

“No. I’m telling you. It’s not a good idea.”

“It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

“Fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. At least, promise me you’ll wait until he’s sober.”

“I guess. If it will make you happy.”

“It will. And so will— 

Yeah, yeah. I know the drill. But be sure to grab a new rubber from the box.”

“Way ahead of you! We would not want a repeat of last month.”

“No, we wouldn’t. I was never so happy to see blood in my whole life.”

Ew, TMI.”

The next day Karen left the apartment after she finished making a tempura soba noodle lunch for Matt. It was only a five-minute walk to Campbell’s apartment.

Rice-paper thin plaster walls shook every time the local commuter train passed by on the tracks. The school paid his rent, so Campbell was in no hurry to complain about anything.

“Who’s it?”

“It’s Karen. Can I come in?”

“H-ll no!”

Karen knocked on the rusted-out steel door, eventually beating on it until her hand throbbed.

“Please, Campbell. Give me just five minutes. G-D it! Don’t be a d-ck for Christ’s sake!”

“You have three. Tick, tick…tock!”

Karen again heard the click of the lock. She leaned back to avoid the metal door flying open in her face.”

“What do you want?”

“I’m really sorry.”

“You’re ‘sorry.’ Awesome! Thanks for stopping by. You have a nice day now.”

Campbell closed the door as Karen’s foot and right hand stopped it. Karen pulled the handle of the door. It flung back open.

“Ouch! And you said ‘five minutes.'”

“I said ‘three.’ A pretty, pretty little liar to the very end. Aren’t you?”

“I am not a liar! I said I ‘misspoke’.”

Karen was not one to take any man’s crap. She got that from her iron-fisted half-Chinese mother.

“‘Misspoke.’ Is that what you young people from America call lying in the 21st century? My bad!”

“Hey! I was drunk. We were all hammered at karaoke Even you, Campbell.”

“But only one of us ‘misspoke.’ Is that normal behavior for Arizona-born trailer trash?”

“Fine. I read your blog. Is that what you want to hear?”

“And— 

Karen got quiet. She bit her lip hard. Campbell didn’t miss a beat.

“You cracked the password to my blog.”

“Yes.”

“And shared it with everyone in the town.”

“True. But

“That’s illegal, you know?”

“A mistake…”

“A crime! I bet they’d just eat you up in a Japanese prison. Yummy pork chop you are!”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Never know. Just might!”

“Screw you!”

“I don’t think they make a nearly thick enough condom for that.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that. We’re just friends. Right?”

“Yeah, friends. Sure. By the way, how’s that herpes sore healing on your lip?”

“You’re a b-stard.”

“Maybe. My mother never got a DNA test. But, at least, I’m an STD-free one.”

Karen threw her hands up as she kicked the door. She stomped to her apartment while covering her upper lip with her aching hand as a hard rain fell. This time it was Matt who was waiting.

“Jesus, you’re a mess. Let me get you some towels.”

“I’m fine. We are out of clean ones anyway. You were supposed to do the laundry. Remember?”

“Oh, um, yeah, I’m on it. But what about you and Campbell?”

“Not good. F him.”

“See, I told you.”

“Don’t worry. I am sure Campbell will forget about it. He can’t stay angry forever. I mean it’s a fishbowl life for foreigners in this town. We’ve all got nowhere else to go. He’ll come around.”

“I hope so. All the same, best we steer clear of him for the time being.”

“Agreed.”

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CRAIG-726 ON THE 2021 GREY, GRIZZLED, AND GAIJIN SOCIAL MEDIA AWARDS!

Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin

ON A NEW SHORT STORY

GET IT IN AMERICA AND JAPAN

ON A NEW PLAY IS OUT!

The Closet Clowns-Cover Art

Popular Japan-based blogger and writer Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin is out with his first play. A unique, character-driven prose dissecting the every day struggle to find life purpose, passion, and motivation.

A modern take on real issues between men and women that are as old as time with novel twists.

GET IT IN AMERICA AND IN JAPAN!

Arrive

ON A NEW EBOOK!

Blog-update

GET IT IN AMERICA AND IN JAPAN!

Popular Japan-based expat blogger, writer, and novelist Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin is out with his first Christian-themed work.

A series of 21 mini lessons based on the Bible and quick philosophical takes from some of the best and brightest minds from history and the modern day.

The self-paced lessons are also accompanied by questions for discussion as well as light commentary from the prose of Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin, one the most prolific expat bloggers and essayists in Japan today.

Grey, Grizzled, and Gaijin

ON NO ‘MOORE’ MESS- A STORY OF STRONG WOMEN

Newmoorepromo

We are happy to present our new novel No ‘Moore’ Mess.

Popular Japan-based expat writer, essayist, and blogger Grey, Grizzled, And Gaijin 2020 Writers In Kyoto-Fifth Kyoto (International) Writing Competition Honorable Mention Award Recipient for “Signs of the Times,” presents his first LGBT and Christian-themed novel.

Follow the lives of Bertha, Helen, and Mary Moore and a host of other memorable characters as they learn to deal with growing up, life, death, God, and each other.

A thoughtful commentary and allegory on contemporary issues facing women and families in society, the workplace, and inside their broken homes.

A can’t miss tale for fans of dramas and deep stories with heart!

A Story of Strong Women-003

GET IT IN AMERICA AND JAPAN

ON POSTS YOU SHOULD READ

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CRAIG-569 ON PUTTING PEOPLE FIRST ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND IN REAL LIFE PLUS TONIGHT’S DINNER IN JAPAN!

CRAIG-567 ON HOW TO BE SUPREMELY SELF-CONFIDENT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, WHILE WRITING, AND IN REAL LIFE PLUS YUMMY FOOD IN JAPAN!

CRAIG-530 ON 11 POPULAR POSTS ON BEING AN EXPAT AND KIMCHI NABE IN JAPAN!

CRAIG-527 ON 13 FOOD PICTURE-FILLED POSTS TO HELP YOU TUNE OUT YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW!

CRAIG-504 ON WRONG ORDERS, COMPLAINING, AND LIVES FOR HERE OR TO-GO!

CRAIG-494 ON WHEN YOU HIDE OUT FROM LIFE (IN JAPAN)

BONUS FOOD PICTURE AND BLOG POSTS

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CRAIG-551 ON TRAVEL- LIVING IT UP IN OSAKA AND KOBE!

CRAIG-550 ON 15 SUPER POSTS FOR EXPATS AND THOSE WHO DARE TO DREAM OF LIVING ABROAD IN JAPAN!

CRAIG-547 ON 10 AWESOME SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS TO GET YOUR CONTENT BOUNCING AND FOOD YOU MUST EAT IN JAPAN!

Grey, Grizzled, And Gaijin


Got a Question for the Grey, Grizzled, And Gaijin Mailbag? Send it to: @craighoffman11 on Twitter

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”- Mahatma Gandhi

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